You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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