i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
