did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
