at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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