You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
