What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
