Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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