College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
