The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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