Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
