So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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