Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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