i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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