You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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