haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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