Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize