The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
