all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
