if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think my vagina is haunted
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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