so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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