she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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