that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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