her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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