Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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