Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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