after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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