I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
