whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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