im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
