Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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