please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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