I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
worst night to have a conscience
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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