She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
