So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
