She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
