fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
