eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
