been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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