'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The air was thick with penises
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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