I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
