im having a threesome with these popsicles
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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