did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
