She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
