triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
