you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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