My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
