do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We had to coat check the pizza.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
