What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
