He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
