You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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