now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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