I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
