I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
