those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize