Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
