If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize