If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
