Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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