You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
