just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He passed out mid-signature
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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