Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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