I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
