i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love having hate sex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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