sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
