I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize