I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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