just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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