Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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