i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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