Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
