okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
