Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
