Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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