btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
