I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
