I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
