Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
