Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
