i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I look better un-naked...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
