Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
