It's like God shit irony all over that family
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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