So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
