That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
