I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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