She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
