Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize