I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Drunk is a universal language darling
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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