He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
