i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
