the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
