dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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