I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
