i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
