Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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