Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
